经典的高中英语幽默笑话

　　冷笑话是近几年新兴的一种语言现象,它轻松诙谐、别具一格,给我们紧张的生活增添了几分轻松的情趣,它一出现便受到了大多数人的喜爱。本文是希望对大家有帮助!

　　：What'sYourName?

　　Aguywalkedintoapubandimmediatelynoticedayoungladyatthebaronherown.Afteracoupleofdrinkshedecidedtoofferheradrinkandmake***alltalk.Sheaccepted.

　　What'syourname?heaskedher.

　　Carmen,shereplied.

　　That'sanicename.Didyourmotherorfathernameyouthat?

　　Neither.IchangedmynamewhenIwaseighteenfromSharontoCarmen.

　　Whydidyoudothat?heasked.

　　Well,sheexplained,IlikemenandIlikecars,sothatishowIgotmyname.What'syourname?

　　Beerpussy,themanreplied.

　　：TheCocktailParty

　　Threeyoungwomenareatacocktailparty.Theconversationturnstotheirpositioninlifeandit'sclearthattheyaretryingtoone-upeachother.

　　Thefirstonesays,Myhu***andistakingmetotheFrenchRivierafortwoweeksonvacation,andthenlooksattheotherswithasuperiordemeanor.

　　Thesecondonesays,Well,myhu***andjustboughtmeanewMercedes,andlooksaboutwithconsiderablepride.

　　Numberthreesays,Well,tobeperfectlyhonestwithyou,wedon'thavemuchmoneyandwedon'thaveanymaterialpossessions.However,onethingIcantellyouaboutmyhu***andisthatthirteencanariescanstandshouldertoshoulderonhiserectpenis.

　　Afterthis,thefirstonelooksshamefacedandsays,Girls,I'vegotaconfessiontomake.Iwasjusttryingtoimpressyou.YouknowthatvacationIwastellingyouabout?Well,it'snottotheFrenchRiviera,it'stomyparentshousefortwoweeks.

　　Thesecondonesays,Yourhonestyhasshamedme.It'snotaMercedes,heboughtmeaPlymouth.

　　Well,thethirdonesays,Ialsohaveaconfessiontomake,canarynumberthirteenhastostandononeleg!

　　：Don'tLietoMom

　　Johninvitedhismotheroverfordinner.Duringthemeal,hismothercouldn'thelpnoticinghowbeautifulJohn'sroommatewas.ShehadlongbeensuspiciousofarelationshipbetweenJohnandhisroommate,andthisonlymadehermorecurious.

　　Overthecourseoftheevening,whilewatchingthetwointeract,shestartedtowonderiftherewasmorebetweenJohnandtheroommatethanmettheeye.Readinghismom'sthoughts,Johnvolunteered,Iknowwhatyoumustbethinking,butIassureyou,JulieandIarejustroommates.

　　Aboutaweeklater,JuliecametoJohnandsaid,Eversinceyourmothercametodinner,I'vebeenunabletofindthebeautifulsilvergravyladle.Youdon'tsupposeshetookit,doyou?Johnsaid,Well,Idoubtit,butI'llwriteheraletterjusttobesure.

　　SohesatdownandwroteDearMother,I'mnotsayingyoudidtakeagravyladlefrommyhouse,andI'mnotsayingyoudidnottakeagravyladle.Butthefactremainsthatonehasbeenmissingeversinceyouwereherefordinner.

　　Severaldayslater,Johnreceivedaletterfromhismotherwhichread:DearSon,I'mnotsayingthatyoudosleepwithJulie,andI'mnotsayingthatyoudonotsleepwithJulie.Butthefactremainsthatifshewassleepinginherownbed,shewouldhavefoundthegravyladlebynow.Love,Mom.

　　Lessonoftheday...Don'tLieToYourMother.

　　：WittyTruckDriver

　　Atruckdriverwasdrivingalongonthefreeway.Asignesupthatreadslowbridgeahead.Hetriestoturnoffbut,beforeheknowsit,thebridgeisrightthereandhegetsstuckunderit.Carsarebackedupformiles.

　　Finally,apolicecaresup.Thecopgetsoutofhiscarandwalksaroundtothetruckdriver,putshishandsonhishipsandsays,Gotstuckhuh?

　　Thetruckdriversays,No,Iwasdeliveringthisbridgeandranoutofgas

　　：IfAnOSWasAnAirliner

　　UNIXAirways

　　Everyonebringsonepieceoftheplanealongwhentheyetotheairport.Theyallgooutontherunwayandputtheplanetogetherpiecebypiece,arguingnon-stopaboutwhatkindofplanetheyaresupposedtobebuilding.

　　AirDOS

　　Everybodypushestheairplaneuntilitglides;thentheyjumponandlettheplanecoastuntilithitsthegroundagain.Theythenpushagain,jumponagain,andsoon...

　　MacAirlines

　　Allthestewards,captains,baggagehandlers,andticketagentslookandactexactlythesame.Everytimeyouaskquestionsaboutdetails,youaregentlybutfirmlytoldthatyoudon'tneedtoknow,don'twanttoknow,andeverythingwillbedoneforyouwithoutyoureverhavingtoknow,sojustshutup.

　　WindowsAir

　　Theairportterminalisprettyandcolourful,withfriendlystewards,easybaggagecheckandboarding,anda***oothtake-off.Afterabout10minutesintheairtheplaneexplodeswithnowarningwhatsoever.