英语搞笑故事

①英文幽默故事

MarriageProposaltoBernardShawOnceabeautifulanddissoluteBritishactresswrotetoproposemarriagetoBernardShaw．ShesaidshedidnotmindBernardShaw'soldageanduglinessbecausehewasagenius．Andiftheycouldbinethebeautyofthewomanwiththetalentsofthegreatman，thatwouldbegreatlyharmonious．“Withyourwisdomandmyappearance，ourchildrenmustbeperfect．”BernardShawanswered，inaletter，thatherimaginationwassplendid，“But，whatifthechildrentakemyappearanceandyourwisdom？”向肖伯纳求婚英国有位美貌风流的女演员，曾写信向肖伯纳求婚。她说因为他是个天才，她不嫌肖伯纳年迈丑陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才结合，那该是多么协调啊。“咱们的后代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。”肖伯纳给她回了一封信说，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又该怎么办呢？”

②幽默英语故事

Fourbestfriendsmetatthehospitalsincetheirwivesweregivingbirthstotheirbabies.Thenurseesuptothefirstmanandsays,Congratulations,yougotins.ThemansaidHowstrange,I'mthemanagerofMinnesotaTwins.Afterawhilethenurseesuptothesecondmanandsays,Congratulations,yougottriplets.ManwaslikeHmmm,strangeIworkedasadirectorforthe3musketeers.Finally,thenurseesuptothethirdmanandsaysCongratulations,yougotinsx2.Manishappyandsays,Ironic,Iworkforthehotel4Seasons.Allthreeofthemarehappyuntiltheyseetheirlastbuddyjumpingallovertheplace,cursingGodandbanginghisheadonthewall.Theyaskedhimwhat'swrongandheanswered,What'swrong?Iworkfor7up!

③英语幽默笑话故事

MrsBrownwenttovisitoneofherfriendandcarrieda***allboxwithholespunchedinthetop.What'sinyourbox?askedthefriend.Acat,answeredMrsBrown.YouseeI'vebeendreamingaboutmiceatnightandI'msoscared!Thiscatistocatchthem.Butthemiceareonlyimaginary,saidthefriend.Soisthecat,whisperedMrsBrown.猫和老鼠布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。

④关于英语的幽默故事

ThreeSurgeons三个有名的外科医生Threefamoussurgeonswerebraggingabouttheirskills.Amancametomewhohadhishandcutoff,saidone.Todaythatmanisaconcertviolinist.That'snothing,saidanother.Aguycametomewhohadhislegscutoff.Istitchedthembackon,andtodaythatmanisamarathonrunner.Icantopbothofyou,saidthethird.OnedayIcameonthesceneofaterribleaccident.Therewasnothingleftbutahorse'sposterior-andapairofglasses.TodaythatmanisseatedinUnitedStatesSenate.三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今那人是马拉松选手。”“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马***，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今那人坐在美国参议院里。”一天3个人比赛射击。A，50步射中某人头上的苹果说：IamA。B，100步射中说：IamB。C，150步，开枪后说：Iamsorry.

⑤四个英语经典搞笑故事

MyFirstandMyLastWhenGeewasthirty-five,heboughta***allplaneandlearnedtoflyit.Hesoonbecameverygoodandmadehisplanedoallkindsoftricks.Geehadafriend.HisnamewasMark.OnedayGeeofferedtotakeMarkupinhisplane.Markthought,I'vetravelledinabigplaneseveraltimes,butI'veneverbeenina***allone,soI'llgo.Theywentup,andGeeflewaroundforhalfanhouranddidallkindsoftricksintheair.Whentheycamedownagain,Markwasverygladtobebacksafely,andhesaidtohisfriendinashakingvoice,Well,Gee,thankyouverymuchforthoseotripsinyourplane.Gerogywasverysurprisedandsaid,Twotrips?Yes,myfirstandmylast,answeredMark.第一次与最后一次乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。FirstFlightMr.Johnsonhadneverbeenupinanaerophanebeforeandhehadreadalotaboutairaccidents,soonedaywhenafriendofferedtotakehimforarideinhisown***allphane,Mr.Johnsonwasveryworriedaboutaccepting.Finally,however,hisfriendpersuadedhimthatitwasverysafe,andMr.Johnsonboardedtheplane.Hisfriendstartedtheengineandbegantotaxiontotherunwayoftheairport.Mr.Johnsonhadheardthatthemostdangerouspartofaflightwerethetake-offandthelanding,sohewasextremelyfrightenedandclosedhiseyes.Afteraminuteoroheopenedthemagain,lookedoutofthewindowoftheplane,andsaidtohisfriend,Lookatthosepeopledownthere.Theylookas***allasants,don'tthey?Thoseareants,answeredhisfriend.We'restillontheground.第一次坐飞机约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”ANailOrAFly?Anoldgentlemanwhoseeyesightwasfailingcametostayinahotelroomwithabottleofwineineachhand.Onthewalltherewasaflywhichhetookforanail.Sothemomenthehungthemon,thebottlesfellbrokenandthewinespiltalloverthefloor.Whenawaitressdiscoveredwhathadhappened,sheshoweddeepsympathyforhimanddecidedtodohimafavour.Sothenextmorningwhenhewasouttakingawalkintheroofgarden,shehammeredanailexactlywheretheflyhadstayed.Nowtheoldmanenteredhisroom.The***ellofthespiltwineremindedhimoftheaccident.Whenhelookedupatthewall,hefoundtheflywasthereagain!Hewalkedtoitcarefullyadnslappeditwithallhisstrength.Onhearingaloudcry,thekind-heartedwaitressrushedin.Tohergreatsurprise,thepooroldmanwastheresittingonthefloor,histeethclenchedandhisrighthandbleeding!钉子还是苍蝇？一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。于是第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。这里老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。I'llSeetotheRestAguardwasabouttosignalhistraintostartwhenhesawanattractivegirlstandingontheplatformbyanopendoor,talkingtoanotherprettygirlinsidethecarriage.Comeon,miss!heshouted.Shutthedoor,please!Oh,Ijustwanttokissmysistergoodbye,shecalledback.Youjustshutthatdoor,please,calledtheguard,andI'llseetotherest.其余的事由我负责一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”ChaudeandColdApatroninMontrealcafeturnedonatapinthewashroomandgotscalded.Thisisanoutrage,heplained.ThefaucetmarkedCgavemeboilingwater.But,Monsieur,Cstandsforchaude-Frenchforhot.YoushouldknowthatifyouliveinMontreal.Waitaminute,roaredthepatron.TheothertapisalsomarkedC.Ofcourse,saidthemanager,Itstandsforcold.Afterall,Montrealisabilingualcity.热与冷蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”“可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”“等等，”那位顾客咆哮一声，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”“当然”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”这个网站里还有很多//wenku./view/6b5902aad1f34693daef3eb2

⑥英语搞笑故事

WeatherPredictionAnoldIndianchiefwasfamousforpredictingwhattheweatherwoulddo.Agroupofpeoplewentuptothechiefandaskedhim,Whatwilltheweatherbeliketomorrow?Thechiefreplied,Muchrain.Verywet.Thenextday,itdidrainanditwasverywet.Somemorepeoplewentuptothechiefandasked,Whatwilltheweatherbeliketomorrow?Muchsnow.Verycold.Sureenough,itsnowedanditwasverycold.Thenextday,peopleweresoimpressedwiththis,theyaskedhimanothertime.Chief,theyasked,whatwilltheweatherdotomorrow?Thechiefreplied,Inno.Radiobroken.

⑦英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）

Q:Whywon’ttheelephantusetheputer?

为什么大象不玩电脑？

A:He’safraidofthemouse!

他害怕老鼠！

鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。

mouse[maʊs]n.鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人

2.Amuchworriedpatiantwalkedintothedoctor'sofficeandaskedforhelp。

Doctor,Idon'tknowwhattodo.Iaccidentallydrankabottleofgasolineyesterday.

Oh,don'tworry!Allyouhavetorememberisnotto***okeinthenextfewdays.Thedoctorsaid.

一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。

“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”

“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。

3.Amanwashitbyacabinthestreet.

Hewasbroughttothehospital.

Hiswifewhowasstandingupbyhisbed,saidtothedoctor:Ithinkthatheisveryill.

Iamafraidthatheisdead.saidthedoctor,Hearingthis,themanmovedhisheadandsaid:I'mnotdead.I'mstillalive.

Bequiet,saidthewife.thedoctorknowsbetterthanyou!

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.

他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:我想他伤得很厉害.

医生说:我怕他已经死了.

听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:我没死,我还活着.

妻子说:安静,医生比你懂得多.

4.AmangoestochurchandstartstalkingtoGod.

Hesays:God,whatisamilliondollarstoyou?

AndGodsays:Apenny.

Thenthemansays:God,whatisamillionyearstoyou?

AndGodsays:asecond,

Thenthemansays:God,canIhaveapenny?

AndGodsaysInasecond.一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.

他问:主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?

上帝回答:一便士.

男子又问:那一百万年呢?

上帝说:一秒钟.

最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?

上帝回答:过一秒钟.

5.Tommy:Howisyourlittlebrother,Johnny?

Johnny:Heisillinbed.Hehurthimself.

Tommy:That'stoobad.Howdidthathappen?

Johnny:Weplayedwhocouldleanfurthestoutofthewindow,andhewon.汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

6.Ivancamehomewithabloodynoseandhismotherasked,Whathappened?Akidbitme,repliedIvan.Wouldyourecognizehimifyousawhimagain?askedhismother.I'dknowhimanywhere,saidIvan.Ihavehisearinmypocket.他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

⑧搞笑的英语故事

TalkingDogAguyspotsasignoutsideahousethatreadsTalkingDogforSale.Intrigued,hewalksin.Sowhathaveyoudonewithyourlife?heasksthedog.I’veledaveryfulllife,saysthedog.IlivedintheAlpsrescuingavalanchevictims.ThenIservedmycountryinIraq.AndnowIspendmydaysreadingtotheresidentsofaretirementhome.Theguyisflabbergasted.Heasksthedog’sowner,Whyonearthwouldyouwanttogetridofanincredibledoglikethat?Theownersays,Becausehe’saliar!Heneverdidanyofthat!ABaby?Awomangetsonabuswithherbaby.Thebusdriversays:“’stheugliestbabythatI’veeverseen.Ugh!”Thewomangoestotherearofthebusandsitsdown,fuming.Shesaystoamannexttoher:“Thedriverjustinsultedme!”Themansays:“Yougorightupthereandtellhimoff–goahead,I’llholdyourmonkeyforyou.”

⑨英语幽默故事

Peterdozedoffwhilehisteacherwastalking.老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。Teacher:Peter！Tellus,what'sthebiggestintheworld?老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？Peter:Well,well....eyelids....彼得:嗯……嗯……眼皮……Teacher:What？Eyelids？老师：什么？眼皮？Peter:Yes,sir.BecauseassoonasIshutmyeyes,theeyelidscovereverythingoftheworld.彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了Lateonenightattheinsaneasylum(疯人院）oneinmateshouted,IamNapoleon!Anotheronesaid,Howdoyouknow?Thefirstinmatesaid,Godtoldme!Justthen,avoicefromanotherroomshouted,Ididnot!疯人院一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：我是拿破仑！另一个说：你怎么知道？第一个人说：上帝对我说的！一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：我没说！