长篇英语笑话故事精选

　　根据结结巴巴著《笑话的历史》记载，人是先会笑，后会说话。说话时把人逗笑了就称之为笑话。笑话比诗歌的历史还悠久。本文是长篇英语笑话故事，希望对大家有帮助!

　　长篇英语笑话故事：11thhu***and

　　Alawyermarriedawomanwhohadpreviouslydivorcedtenhu***ands.

　　Ontheirweddingnight,shetoldhernewhu***and,Pleasebegentle,I'mstillavirgin.

　　What?saidthepuzzledgroom.

　　Howcanthatbeifyou'vebeenmarriedtentimes?

　　Well,Hu***and#1wasasalesrepresentative:hekepttellingmehowgreatitwasgoingtobe.

　　Hu***and#2wasinsoftwareservices:hewasneverreallysurehowitwassupposedtofunction,buthesaidhe'dlookintoitandgetbacktome.

　　Hu***and#3wasfromfieldservices:hesaideverythingcheckedoutdiagnosticallybuthejustcouldn'tgetthesystemup.

　　Hu***and#4wasintelemarketing:eventhoughheknewhehadtheorder,hedidn'tknowwhenhewouldbeabletodeliver.

　　Hu***and#5wasanengineer:heunderstoodthebasicprocessbutwantedthreeyearstoresearch,implement,anddesignanewstate-of-the-artmethod.

　　Hu***and#6wasfromfinanceandadministration:hethoughtheknewhow,buthewasn'tsurewhetheritwashisjobornot.

　　Hu***and#7wasinmarketing:althoughhehadaniceproduct,hewasneversurehowtopositionit.

　　Hu***and#8wasapsychologist:allheeverdidwastalkaboutit.

　　Hu***and#9wasagynecologist:allhedidwaslookatit.

　　Hu***and#10wasastampcollector:allheeverdidwas...God!Imisshim!ButnowthatI'vemarriedyou,I'mreallyexcited!

　　Good,saidthenewhu***and,but,why?

　　You'realawyer.ThistimeIknowI'mgonnagetscrewed!

　　长篇英语笑话故事：Mexicanbandit

　　AMexicanbanditmadeaspecialtyofcrossingtheRioGrandefromtimetotimeandrobbingbanksinTexas.

　　Finally,arewardwasofferedforhiscapture,andanenterprisingTexasrangerdecidedtotrackhimdown.

　　Afteralengthysearch,hetracedthebandittohisfavoritecantina,snuckupbehindhim,puthistrustysix-shootertothebandit'shead,andsaid,You'reunderarrest.TellmewhereyouhidthelootorI'llblowyourbrainsout.

　　Butthebanditdidn'tspeakEnglish,andtheRangerdidn'tspeakSpanish.

　　Fortunately,abilinguallawyerwasinthesaloonandtranslatedtheRanger'smessage.

　　Theterrifiedbanditblurtedout,inSpanish,thatthelootwasburiedundertheoaktreeinbackofthecantina.

　　Whatdidhesay?askedtheRanger.

　　Thelawyeranswered,Hesaid'Getf#@ked,Gringo.Youhaven'tgottheballstoshootme.'

　　长篇英语笑话故事：Alawyersstory

　　IalwayswantedahoppedupmusclecarwhenIwasyounger.Icouldn'taffordone.NowIcan,andIhaveone.It'sa'70Mustang,andhernameisBessie.

　　Bessieistheproto-typicaljuvenile,male-caveman,scratchyourselfanddrinkcheapbeercar.Chromedengine,dualexhaust,250horsepower,bigtires.

　　I'mdrivingBessieonBeachBoulevardbehindanancientguyinabeatuptruck.Hedecidestoturninfrontofmewithoutablinker.

　　Iacceleratetoswerveandavoidhim,andthiscrazy,overaerobicizedwomanjumpsinfrontofmycarwithherhandup.MeetEthel,theneighborhoodbusybody/nuisance.

　　Sheproceedstoyellinmywindow,Hey,slowdownyouidiot.I'mawell-bred,mellowguybynature,soIignorethis.AsIdriveaway,sheyells,Jerkatmeagain.Twice!!SoIturnaroundanddriveupnexttoher.

　　Doyouhaveaproblem?Iask.

　　Yeah,whyareyoudrivinglikeanidiot?

　　Iwasdrivinglikeanidiot?How,exactly?

　　Youwerespeeding.Iwatchedyou.

　　Youwere?Isee.Howdidyoumeasuremyspeed?***Evertheinterrogator***

　　Iheardyou.

　　So,youmeasuredmyspeedbyear?

　　Icanhear.

　　HowfastdidyouHEARmegoing?

　　Look,shesays,Idon'thavetotakethis.Hereesacop.I'llwavehimdown.

　　THEPOLICE?Thiswomanisatrip.

　　Shewaveshimdown,andproceedstotellhimthatsheobservedmespeeding.

　　Whathappened?heasks.

　　Itoldhimthestory,andtoldhimthatIacceleratedtoanindicated33mph***thespeedlimitis35***toavoidacollision.

　　Arethosemufflerslegal?Ethelasks.

　　She'spushingit.Ireply,IhaveaC.A.R.B.exemptionforthem.Igivethepaperworktothecop.Shetriestofindanotherthingtoscrewmewith.

　　Shesays,Whataboutthosebigtires?TheyCAN'Tbelegal.

　　Ibeganfeelinglittleoverheatedgearsinthebackofmyheadstarttoturn.Thesetireswereavailableonthe1970Boss429,Itoldthecop,Whichmakesthemstreetlegalasareplacement.

　　Ethelgetsangry.Shewhines,Soyou'renotgoingtogiveoutanyticketstothisjerk?Thecopsays,No,Iamnot.

　　I'veabouthadit.SoIsay,Sir,thiswomantoldyouthatsheleftthestreetatthecorner,andthenshemetupwithmycarhere.AccordingtoTitle39,pedestrianshavetocrossthestreetatarightangle.Thiswomanadmittedshecrossedata45-degreeangle,whichisaticketableoffense.

　　What?Thecoplooksconfused.

　　Also,shetoldyouthatshewalkedinfrontofmycartostopme.Acitizencan'tdetainsomeonewithoutprobablecause,underTerryv.Ohio***Mynewfavoritecase***.Sinceshecouldn'tmeasuremyspeed,shehadnoprobablecausetodetainme.Thatisanindictableoffense.

　　Thecopsays,But,Ididn'tseeanyofthis.

　　But,Isaid,Idid,and,asanofficeroftheCourt,Icandemandherarrest.I'llagreetodi***isstheIllegalDetentioncharge,butIwanthercitedfornotcrossingatarightangleandHazardousConductonaPublicStreet.

　　ThecopcalledhisLieutenant,andafterthecoptoldthestory,heauthorizedthesummonses.

　　Shewenthomewith$215.00worthoftraffictickets,andtheyareworthatotaloffourpointsagainstherlicense,aswellastheappropriateinsurancesurcharge!

　　Ofcourse,ifshedemandsatrialIwon'tprosecute.Butthelookonherfaceasshewalkedawaywasmorethanenoughsatisfactionforme.

　　Yeah,I'vegotalawdegree,andI'mnotafraidtouseit.