求有趣的，搞笑的英语短剧剧本

荆轲刺秦

（Introduction）：Longagotherewasacrazycountry,inthiscrazycountrythereweresomecrazypeople,tryingtoshowthecrazyhistorybycrazyways.MrJingkewasthemostfamousswordsmanandwassenttokillkingofQing,“Yingzheng”.Butfinallyhefailed.Doyouwanttoknowwhathappenedatthattime?Okay,nextshowwilltellyouthetruth.ActionI太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：

Mirror,mirror,tellme,whoisthemostprettymanintheworld?(画外音：It’syou,PrinceDan!太子丹高兴状)Thankumirror!（面对观众）

I’mPrinceDan,themagicmirrorsaidIamthemostattractivemanintheworld.ButYingZhengisajealousguy,Ifeelhewillkillmeifmirrortoldhimthetruth.Iamsoscared.SowhatcanIdo?(向幕里大叫)Whereismyminister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬):Honey,Iamcoming.

太子丹：I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smartanddearestPrinceDan”!

阿三：Sure,honey!Ihaveagoodidea.WecanfindaherotokillYingZheng~~~

（作杀状）太子：Ohyeah~~~.Whatisthemostexpensivecommodityinthiscentury?Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Goodidea!Butwhoistherightcandidate?

阿三：AfterscreeningIhavetwopromisingpersonsonhand.OneisMissLiMoChou,theotherisMrJinKe.TomorrowtheywillPKfortheNO1killeroftheworld.

太子：Well,showmethewinnerassoonaspossible,OK?

阿三：Yes.ActionII（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲AreyouLimochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK.I’mJingke,youknow,IwillletyouknowIamthekingofthekillers’world.李莫愁Areyouchallengingme?

荆轲Offcourse!耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Comeon!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：Whathappened?Whyaren’tyouhurt?荆轲:Wedon\'tneedanyreasontowinaperson.Don\'twe?Dowe?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Mommaalwayssaid:\Lifeislikeaboxofchocolates,Mochou.Youneverknowwhatyou\'regonnaget.\Igotit,Mommaisright.

荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：Howareyou?

荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyou?太子丹：OhmyGod!Couldyougivemeaninnovativeanswerto“Howareyou”?

荆柯：Sure!太子丹：Howareyou?

荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyourwife?

太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey,man,I’mkidding!

太子丹：Oh,I’mkiddingtoo!（毕恭毕敬）MayIhaveyournamecard,please?

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

Tobeornottobe,that'saquestion.

阿三：Hero，weneedyourhelp.

荆柯：Iambusynow!

太子丹：Youcangetalotofmoney.

荆柯：Iamverybusynow!

阿三：IC,ID,IQcard?

荆柯：Iamveryverybusynow!

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状):Look!Sheisthemostbeautifulgirlintheworld.IfyousayO.K.,sheisyours.

荆柯（流口水）：Ihavetosaysheisaverysexyandbeautifulgirl,butTCMismyonlylove!

阿三：What?What’stheTCM?

荆柯;Hey,guy!Youlooksosmartbutwhyyoudidn’tknowTCM?Anyofthemcangiveyoutheanswer.

阿三：Excuseme?What’stheTCM?

观众甲：TCM-TraditionalChineseMM.

太子丹：Imustshowyouthetrumpcard.Ladiesandgentlemen,thisisLiptonSlimmingtea.ItisabrandnewproductofUnileverChina.

荆柯（激动）：Slimmingtea!Ihavedreamedofitforthousandsoftimes.MywifealwaysthreatenstoleavemeifIcouldn’treducemyweight.

阿三：Youwant?Speakupifyouwant!Whydoyoukeepsilent?Whyareyoulookingatme?Althoughyoureyesarefullofsincerity,I’mveryglad,youstillhavetospeakup.Takeit!Doyoureallylike?Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……

（《Nomatter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）

荆柯(诚恳状)JusttellmewhatshouldIdo?Iwilldoanythingforyou.

太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

ActionШ

（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三：Hero,wehavealreadyreachedYishuiRiver.

荆珂：Juststophere,please.Farewell,myfriends

太子丹：Iwillmissyou,baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling,Iloveyou.

妻子：Iloveyou!Youmeanmoretomethananythinginthiswholeworld!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪)：Iloveyoumore.Inspiteofyouandmeandthewholesillyworldgoingtopiecesaroundus,Iloveyou.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well.Beaman,justdoit!Iwillberightherewaitingforyou.

荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!Youmustdomethishonor...promisemeyouwillsurvive...thatyouwillnevergiveup...nomatterwhathappens...nomatterhowhopeless...promisemenow,andneverletgoofthatpromise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:Ipromise.

荆轲:Neverletgo.“

妻子:Ipromise.Iwillneverletgo,Jack.I'llneverletgo.

（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）

妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，

荆珂上船渐渐远去

妻子：It’sagooddaytodie.Nevercomeback.Never……Never……

妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)：Thankyouverymuch.AssoonasIgetthelifeassurance$1000,000,Iwilltransferhalfofit,$500,000toyouraccount.

阿三：Okayokay!

旁白：ThenJingkewassenttoQinandfinallykilledbyYingzheng.

TheEnd