简短的英语笑话

简短的英语笑话（精选12篇）

　　英语笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁，是一种重要的交际手段。下面是我为大家收集的简短的英语笑话（精选12篇），希望对大家有帮助！

　　简短的英语笑话1　　TheseAreMyJeans!

　　Aftergoingonadiet，awomanfeltreallygoodaboutherself----especiallywhenshewasabletofitintoapairofjeansshehadoutgrownlongago.

　　“Look，look.”sheshoutedwhilerunningdownstairstoshowherhusband.“Icanwearmyoldjeansagain.”

　　Herhusbandlookedatherforalongtime，whensaid，“Honey，Iloveyou，butthesearemyjeans.”

　　那是我的裤子!

　　一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”

　　简短的英语笑话2　　Themeanmansparty.

　　Thenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartment,hesaid,Comeupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropen,pushwithyourfoot.

　　Whyusemyelbowandfoot?

　　Well,gosh,wasthereply,Yourenotcomingempty-hangded,areyou?

　　吝啬鬼请客。

　　一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后再用你的脚把门推开。”

　　“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

　　“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

　　简短的英语笑话3　　AllIdoispay.

　　Myfamilyisjustlikeanation,Mr.Browntoldhiscolleague.Mywifeistheministeroffinance,mymother-in-lawistheministerofwar,andmydaughterisforeignsecretary.

　　Soundsinteresting,hiscolleaguereplied.Andwhatisyourposition?

　　Imthepeople.AllIdoispay.

　　我要做的一切就是付钱。

　　布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

　　“听上去挺有意思的'，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”

　　“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”

　　简短的英语笑话4　　onedayafterschooltheteachersaidtohisstudents,tomorrowmorning,ifanyoneofyoucananswermyfirstquestion,iwillpermithimorhertogohomeearlier.

　　一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能首先回答我的问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”

　　thenextday,whentheteachercameintotheclassroom,hefoundtheblackboarddaubed(涂抹).hewasveryangryandasked,whodidit?pleasestandup!itsme,saidbob,now,icangohome.good-bye,sir.

　　第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板被涂得乱七八糟，他非常生气的问：“谁涂的？请站起来！”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见！”

　　简短的英语笑话5　　beforethefinalexamination,tomtoldhismother,mom,ihadadreamlastnightthatidpassedtodaysexam.

　　在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”

　　donttrustdreams,dear.itissaidwhatyouexperienceindreamsusuallyturnsouttobetheopposite.motherreplied.

　　“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。

　　thenidohopeillfailtheothersubjectsinmydreamtonight,tomsaid.

　　“那么我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

　　简短的英语笑话6　　Savinglives.

　　Atapre-meduniversityinSt.Louis,wehadtotakeadifficultclassinphysics.Onedaytheprofessorwasdiscussingaparticularlycomplicatedconcept.Astudentrudelyinterruptedtoask,Whydowehavetolearnthisstuff?

　　Tosavelives.Theprofessorrespondedquicklyandcontinuedthelecture.

　　Afewminuteslater,thesamestudentspokeupagain.Sohowdoesphysicssavelives?hepersisted.

　　Itusuallykeepstheidiotslikeyououtofmedicalschool,repliedtheprofessor.

　　简短的英语笑话7　　Themournerspain.

　　Amanplacedsomeflowersonthegraveofhisdearlydepartedmotherandstartedbacktowardhiscarwhenhisattentionwasdivertedtoanothermankneelingatagrave.

　　Themanseemedtobeprayingwithprofoundintensityandkeptrepeating,“Whydidyouhavetodie?Whydidyouhavetodie?”

　　Thefirstmanapproachedhimandsaid,“Sir,Idontwishtointerferewithyourprivategrief,butthisdemonstrationofpainismorethanIveeverseenbefore.Forwhomdoyoumournsodeeply?Achild?Aparent?”

　　Themournertookamomenttocollecthimself,thenreplied,“Mywifesfirsthusband.”

　　简短的英语笑话8　　Blackeyes.

　　AmancametoworkonMondaymorningwithtwoblackeyes.Hisbossaskedwhathappened.

　　Themanreplied,“OnSunday,Iwassittingbehindabigwomanatchurch.Whenwestooduptosinghymns,Inoticedthatherdresswascaughtinherbuttcrack,soIwastryingtobeniceandIpulleditoutforher.Then,sheturnedaroundandpunchedmeintheeye.”

　　Thebossasked,“Okay,sowheredidyougettheothershiner?”

　　“Well,”themansaid,“Ifiguredshedidn’twantitout,soIpusheditbackin.”

　　简短的英语笑话9　　WhyshouldIgiveyoumoney.

　　AveryrichlawyerisapproachedbytheUnitedWay.ThemanfromtheUnitedWayisconcernedthatthelawyermadeover$1,000,000.00lastyearbutdidntdonateevenacenttoacharity.

　　Firstofall,saysthelawyer,mymotherissickanddyinginthehospital,anditsnotcoveredbyhealthcare.Second,Ihadfivekidsthroughthreedivorcedmarriages.Third,mysistershusbandsuddenlydiedandshehasnoonetosupportherfourchildren...

　　Imterriblysorry,saystheUnitedWayman,Ifeelbadaboutaskingformoney.

　　TheLawyerresponds,Yeah,wellifImnotgivingthemanymoney,whyshouldIgiveyouany?

　　简短的英语笑话10　　Thehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguestsplate.

　　Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?Intherat-trap,sir,repliedtheboy.

　　由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。

　　客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

　　简短的英语笑话11　　Oneday,thefatherletseight-year-oldsonsendaletter.Thesontooktheletter.Thefatherthenrememberedhedidntwriteaddressandaddresseesnameontheenvelope.

　　Afterthesoncomesback,thefatheraskshim:Youhavethrowntheletterintothemailbox?

　　Certainly.

　　Youdidntnoticethat?theenvelopedoesnothaveaddressandaddresseesnameonit?

　　Icertainlysawnothingwrittenontheenvelope.

　　Thenwhy?didntyoutakeitback?

　　Ithoughtthatyou?didnotwriteaddressandaddressee,becauseyouwouldntletmeknowtowhomyousendtheletter!

　　简短的英语笑话12　　TheNewTeacher.

　　GeorgecomesfromschoolonthefirstofSeptember.

　　George,howdidyoulikeyournewteacher?askedhismother.

　　Ididntlikeher,Mother,becauseshesaidthatthreeandthreeweresixandthenshesaidthattwoandfourweresixtoo.....