关于高一的英语幽默故事

Ican'tlethimgetawayAmalecrabmetafemalecrabandaskedhertomarryhim.Shenoticedthathewaswalkingstraightinsteadofsideways.Wow,shethought,thiscrabisreallyspecial.Ican'tlethimgetaway.Sotheygotmarriedimmediately.Thenextdayshenoticedhernewhu***andwakingsidewayslikealltheothercrabs,andgotupset.Whathappened?sheasked.Youusedtowalkstraightbeforeweweremarried.Oh,honey,hereplied,Ican'tdrinkthatmucheveryday.不能让他跑了一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。第二天她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”SleepingPillsBobwashavingtroublegettingtosleepatnight.Hewenttoseehisdoctor,whoprescribedsomeextra-strongsleepingpills.SundaynightBobtookthepills,sleptwellandwasawakebeforeheheardthealarm.Hetookhistimegettingtotheoffice,strolledinandsaidtohisboss:Ididn'thaveabitoftroublegettingupthismorning.That'sfine,roaredtheboss,butwherewereyouMondayandTuesday?安眠药鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。好啊!老板吼道，那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？YoureNotGoingtoMakeitGravelyill,amanwenttothedoctorwithhiswife.Aftertheexaminationthephysicianmotionedforthewifetomeethiminthehallway.Yourhu***andisverysick,thedoctorsaid,buttherearethreethingsyoucandotoensurehissurvival.First,fixhimthreehealthful,deliciousmealsaday.Next,givehimastress-freeenvironment,anddon'tplainaboutanything.Finally,makepassionatelovetohimeveryday.Onthedrivehomethehu***andasked,Whatdidthedoctorsay?I'msorry,shesaid,butyou'renotgoingtomakeit.你活不成了一个人得了重病，妻子伴随他去看医生。检查过后医生示意病人的妻子到走廊见他。“你丈夫病得很重，”医生说，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一一日三餐，要营养美味。第二给他一个轻松的环境，不要抱怨。第三每天都对他倾注炽热的爱。”在驱车回家的路上，丈夫问道：“医生说了什么？”“很遗憾，”妻子说，“你活不成了。”我帮你挑了几个符合高一水平的，如果不满意，你可以到下面的英语网看看，有很多。希望对你有帮助。。。。。。。以及被采纳。参考网站：//yingyu/dxyy/yuedu/yyymgs/index_3.s　　mangoestochurchandstartstalkingtogod.hesays:god,whatisamilliondollarstoyou?andgodsays:apenny,thenthemansays:god,whatisamillionyearstoyou?andgodsays:asecond,thenthemansays:god,canihaveapenny?andgodsaysinasecond一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:那一百万年呢?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟.fourbestfriendsmetatthehospitalsincetheirwivesweregivingbirthstotheirbabies.thenurseesuptothefirstmanandsays,congratulations,yougotins.themansaidhowstrange,i'mthemanagerofminnesotains.afterawhilethenurseesuptothesecondmanandsays,congratulations,yougottriplets.manwaslikehmmm,strangeiworkedasadirectorforthe3musketeers.finally,thenurseesuptothethirdmanandsayscongratulations,yougotinsx2.manishappyandsays,ironic,iworkforthehotel4seasons.allthreeofthemarehappyuntiltheyseetheirlastbuddyjumpingallovertheplace,cursinggodandbanginghisheadonthewall.theyaskedhimwhat'swrongandheanswered,what'swrong?iworkfor7up!四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:恭喜,你得了双胞胎.男人说:多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理.过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:恭喜,你得了三胞胎.男人很喜欢:嗯,又巧了.我是3m公司的董事.最后护士跑来对第三个男人说:恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎.男人很开心地说:真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作.他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!呵呵,一个比一个效率高.osamabinladen,acanadian,andpresidentbushwerewalkingdownthestreetwhentheysawagoldenlamp.theyrubbeditandageniecameoutandsaid,iwillgranteachoneawishthat’s3together.thecanadiansaid,iamafatherandmysonwillbeafarmersoiwantthesoilincanadatobeforeverfertile.thegeniesaidthemagicwordsandthewishcametrue.osamalookedamazedsohewishedforawallaroundafghanistanthegeniesaidthemagicwordsandagainthewishcametrue.presidentbushsaidgenie,tellmemoreaboutthiswall,thegeniesaid,”it’s50feetthickand500feettallsonothingcangetinandnothingcangetout.presidentbushsaid,”wow!that’sabigbridge...fillitwithwater!!!拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个.加拿大人说:我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃.精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情.精灵回答:墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去.布什总统说:哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!mybabyswallowedabulletyoungmother:doctor,mybabyswallowdabullet.whatshallido?doctor:don'tpointhimatanybody.notes1.toswallowabullet:吞下一颗子弹2.topointat:对...瞄准个中意味自己体会吧:)allybabyonceohunterswenthuntingintheforest.oneofthemsuddenlyfelldownbyaccident.heshowedthewhitesofhiseyesandseemedtohaveceasedbreathing.theotherhuntersoontookouthismobilephonetocalltheemergencycenterforhelp.theoperatorsaidcalmly:first,youshouldmakesurethatheisalreadydead.thentheoperatorheardagunshotfromtheotherendofthephoneandnextheheardthehunterasking:whatshouldidonext?两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”　　Mr.Robinsonhadtotravelsomewhereonbusiness,andashewasinahurry,hedecidedtogobyair.Helikedsittingbesideawindowwhenhewasflying,sowhenhegotontotheplane,helookedforawindowseat.Hefoundallofthemhadalreadyhadbeentakenexceptforone.Therewasasoldiersittingintheseatbesidethisone,andMr.Robinsonwassurprisedthathehadnottakentheonebythewindow;but,anyhow,heatoncewenttowardsit.Whenhereachedit,however,hesawthattherewasanoticeonit.Itwaswrittenininkandsaid,Thisseatispreservedforproperloadbalance,thankyou.MrRobinsonhadneverseensuchanunusualnoticeinaplanebefore,buthethoughtthattheplanemustbecarryingsomethingparticularlyheavyinit,sohewalkedonandfoundanotheremptyseat,notbesideawindow,tositin.Twoorthreepeopletriedtositinthewindowseatbesidethesoldier,buttheytooreadthenoticeandwenton,whentheplanewasnearlyfull,averybeautifulgirlhurriedintotheplane.Thesoldier,whowaswatchingthepassengersingin,quicklytookthenoticeofftheseatbesidehimselfandinthiswaysucceededinhavingthepanyofthegirlduringthewholetrip.士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。但是等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。