谁有搞笑的英语文章最好有中文对照!

Onedayavisitorfromthecitycametoasmallruralareatodrivearoundthecountryroads,seehowthefarmslooked,andperhapstoseehowfarmersearnedtheirliving.Thecitymansawafarmerinhisyard,holdingapigupinhishands,andliftingitsothatthepigcouldeatapplesfromanappletree.Thecitymansaidtothefarmer,Iseethatyourpiglikesapples,butisn'tthatquiteawasteoftime?Thefarmerreplied,What'stimetoapig?

一天有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?那位农夫回答说，时间对猪有什么意义?

Onegirlwenttothepreacherandconfessedhersin.

Girl:Father,Ihavesinned.

Preacher:Whatdidyoudo,littlegirl?

Girl:Yesterday,IcalledamanasonofaBitch.

Preacher:Why?Whatdidhedotoyou?

Girl:Hetouchedmybreast.

Preacher:Youmeanlikethis?(Theguydidit.)

Girl:(Alittleshyfromthetouch)Yes.

Preacher:That'snoreasontocallhimthat.

Girl:Buthealsotookoffmycloth.

Preacher:Youmeanlikethis?(Hediditagain.)

Girl:Yes,that'swhathedid.

Preacher:That'sstillnoreasontocallhimthat.

Girl:Andheputhisyou-know-whatintomyyou-know-what...

Preacher:(evillaugh...)Youmeanlikethis?(Andyou-know-what)

Girl:(Afterafewminutes...)Ugh...Yeah,that'swhathedid...

Preacher:Mydeargirl,that'sstillnoreasontocallhima...

Girl:ButhehadAIDS!!

Preacher:THATSONOFABITCH!!!

Whereisthefather?

Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.

Look,saidtheelderbrother.Hownicethesepaintingsare!

Yes,saidtheyounger,butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather?

Theelderbrotherthoughtforamomentandthenexplained,Obviouslyhewaspaintingthepictures.

父亲在哪儿？

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”

哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

Thepoorhusband

Youcan'timaginehowdifficultitisformetodealwithmywife,themancomplainedtohisfriend.Sheasksmeaquestion,thenanswersitherself,andafterthatsheexplainedtomeforhalfanhourwhymyansweriswrong.

可怜的丈夫

“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

Doesthedogknowtheproverb,too?

Thelittleboydidnotlikethelookofthebarkingdog.

It'sallright,saidagentleman,don'tbeafraid.Don'tyouknowtheproverb:Barkingdogsdon'tbite?

Ah,yes,answeredthelittleboy.Iknowtheproverb,butdoesthedogknowtheproverb,too?

狗也知道这个谚语吗？

一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”

参考资料：http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/23510460.html?si=3